Why is it so difficult for ladies 27 to meet decent Nigerian Men?

[Dear Abi]

This is from a member that wants to remain anonymous.

Dear Abi,

I'm a Nigerian lady based here in the US.
You see I am 31 year old, attractive well educated (I have got two degrees in engineering and currently working on my PhD). I work for a big oil and gas company so I make a decent living, but haven’t been able to meet a decent young man to settle down with. Where are they? Where are the men? Seriously I'm at my wit's end!!!!
And why do my friends have to use 'husband' in all their sentences? Jeez! Must everyone marry? What happened to being by yourself and having babies by yourself? If there a man for every woman, where is mine? The pressure is driving me buts!!!!

Help!!!

[kulata]

Your problem is not unique its quite common. Try and socialize, think outside the box and get your friends to help you out (hookups etc). The only approach that may be successful for you is to start out with a guy as friends and please don't bug him to toast you or have him declare any special interest in you (women ur age seem to do that often). Just be there for him and make urself elusive in the physical aspect.

Things should work out after all whats the alternative?

[Dear Abi]

Dear Anonymous,

What Kulata says is right. He seems to have, pretty much, addressed the first portion of your question. Now, let me add a few things

The first thing is to ask yourself what you really want because if you don’t know, you might be going round in circles till 40. Do you want to be married YES or NO??….If it is yes then we will take it from there.

Here's what one of my friends (from another forum and with his permission I'll reproduce it here) said to a similar question:
The reason why it is so difficult for people to get married and settle down even if that’s what they really want can be attributed to a lot of reasons…. and even the environment. Here in the West there is so much freedom and a guy feels trapped if he makes that commitment so he keeps on partying - non-stop - even when he is 40. But behind his mind he has a plan B, he knows he can always get an 18yr old girl in Nigeria who will be his wife or at least bear his kids (as a last resort) while we all agree that is not right, it will be silly for a lady to do the same because of her biological clock.

Again because of the lifestyle in the West, it is very easy for some women to say I just want a kid and I can be fine, but it’s a different case down the road when they become 45……. Loneliness can drive people to do crazy stuff…. A guy can always go out and hassle a girl at 50, but it is not so easy for a woman and sometimes a cold/lonely bed (even if not for sex) can drive a woman to seek comfort in the hands of another woman and before you know it, she is engaged in something she has always considered a taboo.

My dear anonymous, in the end you will find out that no one could really answer your question but given you some things to think about, because there is no straight answer to this issue. But if you were my sister, what I will say is this, don’t give up on Marriage and settle with just a kid (if possible). I have seen enough of that from women in the same situation to know that they will give anything to have a man in their house/life again. Yes pray very hard and seek God’s guidance…You might not be so crazy about sex or love making like the average girl. But it also draws people closer…sometimes a girl might not be attractive, but you will see a guy clinging to her…maybe she is the bomb in the bed. If a guy gets a girl who is the bomb in bed, he might never wanna let go. You are a Nigerian and no matter how much you live in the West, people will still look at you funny if you are not married without kids (at certain age) and it will always affect your relationship with those who has.

Finally I think a girl that treats a guy not only as a lover, but also like a mother and sister correcting his mistakes will likely keep a guy than a girl who doesn’t. That’s why I advice any young girl who’s ultimate goal is to get married someday and start a family, to start working on that now (from age 19-26)…because if you concentrate on your beauty, party life and praises you get from people that you are so hot! Before you know it you are (30-45) and you are desperate to get married. That same guy you didn’t want when you were 24, you won’t mind being his third wife if only to experience motherhood. Concentrating on carrier and being super rich shouldn’t be your ultimate goal (if you wanna be married with kids someday) because before you know it you are 35 and all those degrees and money you labored so hard for wont bring you your ultimate desire. And you might spend all that money trying to buy a guys love.

Please this is not too put any girl down, but coming from what I see everyday. When I say everyday, I mean as recent as yesterday and this doesn’t happen just in Europe because I visit the US a lot and have families there. I pray somebody learn a thing or two from this question.