i have a friend that i have to talk to

[Boss]

Her father left her very young. Her father molested her...so did every other man that her mother "married".

That's not the issue though...she has come far and wide in life...learning a lot of things at a very young age...but now life is good for her, she married a good man as a husband (I know the dude, he's a good guy)...she has a very handsome young man as her son...well, kid's only 1, but me I'd say he's cute (since he's sorta my pseudo-godson)....she's back in school, she's good.

But each time I read her blog, it's one tale or the other about how she's trying to find her father. She's been going down through the list of potentials ( I guess you could say her mother was very promiscuous)

She's called some folks up and kinda opened a chapter in their lives they wanted closed and eventually found out they are not her father. She's found one or 2 of her mother's past friends...cool dudes, but still nothing.

I really want to tell her to stop with it...she's surrounded by people who love her...she's an awesome person...why re-open that page in ur life? Why look for a man who frankly doesn't want you? If he did, I'm dead sure he'd have found you these 20-odd years..you've been in the same city for years, I dont think he'd have not found you.

He did all those things to you at a very VERY young age...he did things to your mother and other gory stuff that I dont want to get into...why are you still looking for him?

I dont know how to tell her, I dont know if i should tell her to stop. i dont know if i should tell her on the phone, wait till she comes to visit in a few weeks time (or more, depends on if the lil boy is alright to fly)...I dont know if I should email her what I think, I just don't know...what do you think I should do?

[Laydee-B]

Wow! this is some deep shit. I think she has the right to know who her dad is regardless of all the things he might have did in the past. Maybe she wants to look him in the eyes and tell him something....i dunno anything. Maybe there is just this feeling deep within her that she is dying to release and perhaps won't feel loved even though she is until she lets it out. Maybe she is happy and realizes she is loved but still has something missing...thats something could be just knowing who her dad is. It's bizarre not to know if she might have passed him on the street, saw him on the bus, train, or even the car next to her etc. it hurts not to know. She needs closure. Let her search, until either she finds him, or she finds a dead end. Either way it goes within the process i guarantee she will discover she was only searching for a piece of herself....which she must learn to find within her new life and her family. Just keep giving her your love and support. thats all she needs from u not your judgment or opinion about her looking for her dad.


just my own two cents.

[FIE]

It might be what she needs to complete the healing process. This life sha

[gloriuss1000]

In my opinion maye she's looking for answers.......I mean she must have many questions regarding the past and as many have already mentioned...the need to find that missing link....for some strange reason there could be some longing as to who her father is and his whereabouts. To some folk they'd rather find out things, than to later regret not trying to...with should have, would have, could have.....I don't think you should tell her to stop...but perhaps gently mention the consequences of if she is to open the tin of worms.....as a friend make sure she REALLY knows what she's getting herself into and once she's found him...there isnt any going back...as in she can't just forget aout the effort and energy she took to find her father...the emotions etc....even if it does turn out to be a complete waste of time.

Hope all goes well for her.