Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm?

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:11 PM

Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child.
Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby?
Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you?
Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother?

___________
Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about.
More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

**SISSY** · 11-24-2008, 08:13 PM

I actually dont know the answer..but I would think it would be normal for the wife's mother to come and stay for 3 months after the wife's first delivery

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:15 PM

Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state?

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

**shakara** · 11-24-2008, 08:19 PM

The "Child visit" custom varies with different ethnic groups. igbo's call it Omugwo/Omugo
I think usually, the MiL's take turns to come with the brides mom first... or whatever is convininet according to their schedules... as per the 3 mnth time thingy seems too much sha.... i don't like to be fussed over so 3 mnths might be a tad bit much for me.... however, i don't think there is a set amt of time either.. its based on everyones schedules/preferences.

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:23 PM

Question 4. Is it normal or required that you make his sister(s) your bridemaid (or his brother ur groomsman if male) when you are getting married. If you are not friends with them, i.e. you didn't know his/her sibling before you met your partner. Is it required that yall use each other's sibling in your wedding party?

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:27 PM

Note:
Can you all Please be as honest as possible and tell the right thing here or what is usually done or what is expected from a naija perspective. Cos they are so many things me or alot of us don't understand and it's better to share this info, so we know so that we don't go around making mistakes around our naija people that most important in our lives. So they won't say, "that girl/guy you brought home has no home training sha"...yall know how our lovely naija family can be. And when people most important to you and your partner start getting offended over these cultural values, it always bring a lot of stress into the relationship. So let's know this info...share share, for some of us that are not culturally sound.

NaijaBred · 11-24-2008, 08:28 PM

shoot, if my mom wants to stay for 6 months sef, she is very welcome. his mom on the other hand...

Homiluv · 11-24-2008, 08:29 PM

In America?? If they are not here then whoever gets visa...lol. I don't know about it being required but i've known cases where the 2 were there at the same time or one came for the first few and the other came after

In naija it is customary for the mum to say for some time....not sure what the duration is

I would say the woman's mum Should be the one to stay...but in cases where that isn't possible then...

Also if the parents are in America and they work it will be kinda hard for anyone to 'come and stay'

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child.
Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby?
Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you?
Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother?

___________
Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about.
More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

Homiluv · 11-24-2008, 08:34 PM

Hmmm don't know bout 2...it will depend on how old the siblings are. If they are really young, getting gifts will be a nice gesture [first time]. As for parents i've never really thot about that sha.

It shows manners to ask if help is needed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state?

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:40 PM

Question 5:
Me i didn't know that when someone gives you guys a gift when you visit them!
And you already thanked them --- thank them, thank them...ohh, up until you left, even as they walked u guys to the car, you are kneeling down fifty times and almost somersaulting on their flower pot.
Ask me what the gift is: aso-ebi...aso oke for two.
You have to call them again the next morning!!!! to thank them for the gift!!!!!!
Like seriously?! wtf...but you know what, it's the culture. It's how it's done. I didn't know this. I wish someone had told me.
When the mama (his mom's friend) called me a week later saying she's offended that i didn't call to thank her...i was like

and his mom already thanked her for us oh, cos we told her.

My mom said, im silly that i was supposed to call her to thank her again the next day and a week after, that it's the culture. Please guys i need a manual -- does anyone have anything typed up i can read?

bored · 11-24-2008, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

In Yoruba culture, as a female, rhere is no such thing as "guest" in anyones home. If you enter anyones house and they are trying to feed you etc, you help. So yes, it is required, whether or not you are engaged.

bored · 11-24-2008, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 5:
Me i didn't know that when someone gives you guys a gift when you visit them!
And you already thanked them --- thank them, thank them...ohh, up until you left, even as they walked u guys to the car, you are kneeling down fifty times and almost somersaulting on their flower pot.
Ask me what the gift is: aso-ebi...aso oke for two.
You have to call them again the next morning!!!! to thank them for the gift!!!!!!
Like seriously?! wtf...but you know what, it's the culture. It's how it's done. I didn't know this. I wish someone had told me.
When the mama (his mom's friend) called me a week later saying she's offended that i didn't call to thank her...i was like

and his mom already thanked her for us oh, cos we told her.

My mom said, im silly that i was supposed to call her to thank her again the next day and a week after, that it's the culture. Please guys i need a manual -- does anyone have anything typed up i can read?

Yes o. Not only thank you, but "sorry" too. YOU want todo them a favor, its not convenient for you to do it on the persons schedule then you have to "Mummy, jo, e maa binu" 100,000 times.

Homiluv · 11-24-2008, 08:45 PM

@ somersaulting on their flower pot

asheju ni yen na....betti asheju eyin yooba po so...

Bende · 11-24-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child.
Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby?
Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you?
Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother?

___________
Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about.
More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

i only know my mom's culture (igbo), my granny stayed for almost a year when i was born, and my dad's mom (edo) stayed for like 2 months or so

Arokoyo · 11-24-2008, 08:48 PM

AnotherQuestion before i go eat

Question 6:
Naija boy like naija girl. They've decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Naija girl has met his parents/family unofficially, they all like her. Naija boy has met her parents/family unofficially, they all like him. Now, both partners have decided it time to start making preparations: The couple's parents have not met and never spoken. For example, they live in different state or cities or even countries.

Who calls who. Which parents calls first. Which parents visit each other first. What is the scheme of things?
Tell me your experience or what you've seen happen. I just want to know what most naija people do.

11-24-2008, 08:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm? Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child. Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby? Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you? Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother? ___________ Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about. More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

11-24-2008, 08:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
SISSY Queen Diva Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Wishing upon a star***** Posts: 11,292 Points: 7,000.00 Bank: 66,040,247,648.77 Total Points: 66,040,254,648.77 Donate Rep Power: 21474878	I actually dont know the answer..but I would think it would be normal for the wife's mother to come and stay for 3 months after the wife's first delivery __________________ stolen from aurora's signature I mean its not rocket science....i want my girl to be the proudest chick out there...i want her to tell her girls that her man would never cheat...that her man loves her to death...that her man truly lives to see her happy...i want her to say everything that ppl would consider 'stupid'...but most importantly, i want that when she says these things, she'd be right... I have joy, unspeakable joy

11-24-2008, 08:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
shakara Elder NR Court Judge ROTY Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: round da way Posts: 7,207 Points: 89,330.44 Bank: 3,354,505,529.37 Total Points: 3,354,594,859.81 Donate Rep Power: 21474870	The "Child visit" custom varies with different ethnic groups. igbo's call it Omugwo/Omugo I think usually, the MiL's take turns to come with the brides mom first... or whatever is convininet according to their schedules... as per the 3 mnth time thingy seems too much sha.... i don't like to be fussed over so 3 mnths might be a tad bit much for me.... however, i don't think there is a set amt of time either.. its based on everyones schedules/preferences. __________________ "THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. THEN THEY CAME for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. THEN THEY CAME for me and by that time no one was left to speak up."

11-24-2008, 08:45 PM	#13 (permalink)
Homiluv Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Location: On top Of tHe WoRLd!! Posts: 7,664 Points: 6,655.08 Bank: 8,088,592,614.34 Total Points: 8,088,599,269.42 Donate Rep Power: 21474871	@ somersaulting on their flower pot asheju ni yen na....betti asheju eyin yooba po so... __________________ I can do all things thru christ who strengthens me...........phil 4:13

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11-24-2008, 08:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state? Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

11-24-2008, 08:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	Question 4. Is it normal or required that you make his sister(s) your bridemaid (or his brother ur groomsman if male) when you are getting married. If you are not friends with them, i.e. you didn't know his/her sibling before you met your partner. Is it required that yall use each other's sibling in your wedding party?

11-24-2008, 08:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	Note: Can you all Please be as honest as possible and tell the right thing here or what is usually done or what is expected from a naija perspective. Cos they are so many things me or alot of us don't understand and it's better to share this info, so we know so that we don't go around making mistakes around our naija people that most important in our lives. So they won't say, "that girl/guy you brought home has no home training sha"...yall know how our lovely naija family can be. And when people most important to you and your partner start getting offended over these cultural values, it always bring a lot of stress into the relationship. So let's know this info...share share, for some of us that are not culturally sound.

11-24-2008, 08:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
NaijaBred Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,220 Points: 21,960.73 Bank: 8,898,476,635.22 Total Points: 8,898,498,595.95 Donate Rep Power: 0	shoot, if my mom wants to stay for 6 months sef, she is very welcome. his mom on the other hand...

11-24-2008, 08:40 PM	#10 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	Question 5: Me i didn't know that when someone gives you guys a gift when you visit them! And you already thanked them --- thank them, thank them...ohh, up until you left, even as they walked u guys to the car, you are kneeling down fifty times and almost somersaulting on their flower pot. Ask me what the gift is: aso-ebi...aso oke for two. You have to call them again the next morning!!!! to thank them for the gift!!!!!! Like seriously?! wtf...but you know what, it's the culture. It's how it's done. I didn't know this. I wish someone had told me. When the mama (his mom's friend) called me a week later saying she's offended that i didn't call to thank her...i was like and his mom already thanked her for us oh, cos we told her. My mom said, im silly that i was supposed to call her to thank her again the next day and a week after, that it's the culture. Please guys i need a manual -- does anyone have anything typed up i can read?

11-24-2008, 08:48 PM	#15 (permalink)
Arokoyo X Ryder Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bermuda Triangle Posts: 7,582 Points: 17,815.31 Bank: 54,612,497.56 Total Points: 54,630,312.87 Donate Rep Power: 0	AnotherQuestion before i go eat Question 6: Naija boy like naija girl. They've decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Naija girl has met his parents/family unofficially, they all like her. Naija boy has met her parents/family unofficially, they all like him. Now, both partners have decided it time to start making preparations: The couple's parents have not met and never spoken. For example, they live in different state or cities or even countries. Who calls who. Which parents calls first. Which parents visit each other first. What is the scheme of things? Tell me your experience or what you've seen happen. I just want to know what most naija people do.

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