Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm?

[Arokoyo]

Murewa.... thank you thank you...for the well thought out response...
let the knowledge keep flowing.

I've been taking notes.

This thanksgiving was another lesson to be learned.
I tried to call everyone. I even started making a list of people i must call on every holiday - from both families.
I called everyone, sent texts to some friends, visited family.
But i forgot to call his sista that one gave me high blood pressure when i realize i had forgotten to call. But what stops her from calling me? Naija pipu sha. I called the aunty later sha. Not knowing she had told her brother that we didn't even have the courtesy to wish her happy thanksgiving...lol...funny he mentioned it.

I have been calling people to thank them (for nothing) since thanksgiving...
The key is "staying in touch" even if you hate them!


Thanks all.
More questions to come!

[Murewa]

Can I also add...

you know what else we have to watch out for when dealing with Nigerians eh (esp ppl u'r not close to or too familz with)... if they say "don't worry" as in the example Aroks gave in question 3; as in if they're doing something and you offer to help and they reply you with "don't worry" or "no ooh, it's okay.. you can sit down" ... i take God beg you, don't take that "don't worry" for literally don't worry oo

dats how they test you too... esp in the case of in-laws lol.

[Buttermint]

Originally Posted by Murewa

Can I also add...

you know what else we have to watch out for when dealing with Nigerians eh (esp ppl u'r not close to or too familz with)... if they say "don't worry" as in the example Aroks gave in question 3; as in if they're doing something and you offer to help and they reply you with "don't worry" or "no ooh, it's okay.. you can sit down" ... i take God beg you, don't take that "don't worry" for literally don't worry oo

dats how they test you too... esp in the case of in-laws lol.

so true mehn.
i have learnt this lesson the hard way
when my grandma says dont worry and you really decide not to worry u get a knock" she'll be like moni ko ma worry ..o dey worry. cos she said that is how we will behave outside too. that we should always insist. and if possible forcefully take over the "chores" or whatever it is.

[Misty]

Very Interesting Thread

Naija people can give very mixed messages. You think everything is fine, meanwhile because of something 'small' you did unknowingly, they will carry it inside forever. Makes one a little uncomfortable, please keep the questions coming coz some of us need to know.

[Murewa]

LOl @ Eraser, you know! truly i learned the hard way too... my mother for one will just give you dat look like Hell No this chicken little did not just leave me in the kitchen and watching TV! buhahaha, altho I get away with it with her but I try and make sure of it when I'm outside in family friend's house to behave accordingly b4 they start dissing your up-bringing.

We're too much.

[Misty]

Originally Posted by Buttermint

so true mehn.
i have learnt this lesson the hard way
when my grandma says dont worry and you really decide not to worry u get a knock" she'll be like moni ko ma worry ..o dey worry. cos she said that is how we will behave outside too. that we should always insist. and if possible forcefully take over the "chores" or whatever it is.

[Arokoyo]

i was even gonna post this. funny enough, someone touched the topic already.
this past thxgiving weekend oh, visiting some aunty (in her 30s) and her family, i was like "fuck this im a guest here, i should allow myself to be a guest"
my boo winked at me to go into the kitchen to ask if she needs help. I did, she said, no...she was just getting water. Okay, i went and sat the fuck down.

Later she was fixing something and using the microwave. I sat and crossed my legs happily - my boo was whispering for me to go help naaw i look am back like "fimile...you too go help" Can't overkill myself tryna impress some people....abegi just didn't feel like forcing it. she said..she's getting water no need for help...i agreed! abi...what's the problem with that?

annoying culture...jeez it's ridiculous. oju aye...all na eye service jare. why can't we just be ourselves...hiss ...but i do this shit long enough, i'd be making alot of naija enemies

[Murewa]

yes nau, it's all about eye service... else u won't hear the last of it. Awon aye ma so'ro e kakiri ni b4 u know it, the story is totally add-ons. God help us.

[FIE]

I don't do most of the culture crap but it is always polite to ask to help out. If they say no then they are on their own sha. I know ealier this year my brother in law suggested something and I said no ( I meant hell no though). He was so pissed that I had the audacity to say no to him. The no still stands till tomorrow. It is not easy for older Nigerian people to hear no sha.

[Zero]

[upNEPA]

lol...I love this thread. Very informative..
Plus I learned the hard way too about that wanting to help and people saying no thing....kai naija people will not kill me...wish I had seen this thread sooner

[Nerdstress]

I wish I had seen this thread last yr sha. Better late than never...

[Nerdstress]

by the way for real this culture and traditional thing is a royal pain in the neck

[naija_pikin]

Tell me about it. The chances that I would have to deal with it are looking rather slim though, for better or worse.

[Zero]

Originally Posted by Nerdstress

by the way for real this culture and traditional thing is a royal pain in the neck

marry a non-naija person then you won't have to deal with the issues.
you have have bigger issues to deal with