Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm?

[Yetty]

Mother in law should just request blankets and a pillow along with the sofa before the couple even has to offer their bed sef.

I can't imagine going to visit a couple and taking their bed. Actually, it would be kinda icky

[petey]

but this aint some random couple. it's your child or inlaw.

I'll take my son or daughters bed sha. Can't have my old bones sleeping on sofa bed

Originally Posted by Yetty

Mother in law should just request blankets and a pillow along with the sofa before the couple even has to offer their bed sef.

I can't imagine going to visit a couple and taking their bed. Actually, it would be kinda icky

[Bende]

hia, you people are planning on being poor abi? i will have guestrooms o jare

[Yetty]

Originally Posted by P. Diddy

but this aint some random couple. it's your child or inlaw.

I'll take my son or daughters bed sha. Can't have my old bones sleeping on sofa bed

Selfish man, who dash you sofa bed. If you were my in-law, you'd be sleeping on a naija style mat

[bored]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

I've heard people say never give your marital bed to no one...
So if the couple is married, mamma gosta stay on the couch or air-mattras
else
One person has to go into hiding.
If the couple is engaged, does it count? Does the lady/man still have to go into hiding when a parent visits?

Aroks, shebi you are yoruba now?? Omo, outside of "progressive" parents, na hiding o!

@ Food Chain, I was half kidding, but only half. Yoruba men are well known for being mothers-boys jo. No be this same NR that when asked what you'd do if your mother slaps your wife, the Igbo men vexed for mama and the yoruba ones were yarning twe twe? The Iyawo system, you are junior o, so pray for a Husband who can hold his own in his mothers presence and an understanding and Godly Mother in law. Because if you ever argue with her, it is disrespect.

[Clockwatcher]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

As per Question 1:
Since most people say it's the girl's mom that stays.
What if the boy's mom comes, and wants to stay an extended stay...and you don't want her to stay, either your mom is there or not: You don't want her to stay cos you are not very comfortable with her yet. Is it okay to say you'd rather that she doesn't stay. How do you make this known? Tell your man? How does the man tell his mom?

Or do you just swallow it and allow her stay and do whatever she wants with ur new baby and u can remain miserable?

My mom stayed a while for both of my brother's pickins... but they asked her, sha.

As per husband's sister as bridesmaid... at least one should be on the train. lol... I remember one of my SIL's apologizing to me cos I wasn't invited (my sister was) and when I was like, "It's okay, I didn't want to be on it anyway," she got so offended.

[bored]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

what if you offer, expecting a "no thank you" but the mama says "okay" and carries herself to the bed and begins to snore sef. what do you do?

You grumble, and make yourself comfortable on the airbed

[Clockwatcher]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

are you kidding? is this the norm with yoruba marriages?

That's how it is in Isoko sha. I know my mom was telling us not to "digweze" (kneel or even do small curtsey) cos my sister in law is now the lowest in the family... and she's 7 years older than me.

My reply was, "So you want me to marry and become the lowest in someone else's family?"
She had no reply to that.

[bored]

Originally Posted by Yetty

Selfish man, who dash you sofa bed. If you were my in-law, you'd be sleeping on a naija style mat

[Ndidiamaka]

Originally Posted by Bende

hia, you people are planning on being poor abi? i will have guestrooms o jare

For realz...

[tee24eva]

wife's mum

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child.
Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby?
Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you?
Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother?


___________
Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about.
More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

[tee24eva]

2. yes
3. yes. ask if you can help out. if they say no, then don't ask again can't be slaving away

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state?

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

[tee24eva]

me i dont know about this one o. I'll thank them well and maybe call the next day. but the week after? wtf?

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 5:
Me i didn't know that when someone gives you guys a gift when you visit them!
And you already thanked them --- thank them, thank them...ohh, up until you left, even as they walked u guys to the car, you are kneeling down fifty times and almost somersaulting on their flower pot.
Ask me what the gift is: aso-ebi...aso oke for two.
You have to call them again the next morning!!!! to thank them for the gift!!!!!!
Like seriously?! wtf...but you know what, it's the culture. It's how it's done. I didn't know this. I wish someone had told me.
When the mama (his mom's friend) called me a week later saying she's offended that i didn't call to thank her...i was like and his mom already thanked her for us oh, cos we told her.

My mom said, im silly that i was supposed to call her to thank her again the next day and a week after, that it's the culture. Please guys i need a manual -- does anyone have anything typed up i can read?

[tee24eva]

yes

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 4. Is it normal or required that you make his sister(s) your bridemaid (or his brother ur groomsman if male) when you are getting married. If you are not friends with them, i.e. you didn't know his/her sibling before you met your partner. Is it required that yall use each other's sibling in your wedding party?

[tee24eva]

guys parents have to call first. shebi its their family that wants to ask for the other family's daughter in marriage??? this one is a no brainer now. Wait, did you grow up in naija at all?

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

AnotherQuestion before i go eat

Question 6:
Naija boy like naija girl. They've decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Naija girl has met his parents/family unofficially, they all like her. Naija boy has met her parents/family unofficially, they all like him. Now, both partners have decided it time to start making preparations: The couple's parents have not met and never spoken. For example, they live in different state or cities or even countries.

Who calls who. Which parents calls first. Which parents visit each other first. What is the scheme of things?
Tell me your experience or what you've seen happen. I just want to know what most naija people do.