Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm?

[Arokoyo]

As per Question 1:
Since most people say it's the girl's mom that stays.
What if the boy's mom comes, and wants to stay an extended stay...and you don't want her to stay, either your mom is there or not: You don't want her to stay cos you are not very comfortable with her yet. Is it okay to say you'd rather that she doesn't stay. How do you make this known? Tell your man? How does the man tell his mom?

Or do you just swallow it and allow her stay and do whatever she wants with ur new baby and u can remain miserable?

[bored]

Originally Posted by CSC

Answer #8
Please o! How can my parents or my in-laws come and me and hubby will be sleeping in the room while my/his parents are in the living room on the couch for that matter! Hubby and I will definitely give up our bed/airbed and move to the couch while the parents get the bed and the room.

Really?

[bored]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

As per Question 1:
Since most people say it's the girl's mom that stays.
What if the boy's mom comes, and wants to stay an extended stay...and you don't want her to stay, either your mom is there or not: You don't want her to stay cos you are not very comfortable with her yet. Is it okay to say you'd rather that she doesn't stay. How do you make this known? Tell your man? How does the man tell his mom?

Or do you just swallow it and allow her stay and do whatever she wants with ur new baby and u can remain miserable?

Miserable Yoruba culture you are now a junior Iyawo ile and technically the lowest in the food chain. And if your husband is a yoruba man, you know his mother is more important to him than your happines. In a good marriage, your hubby should know your rship with his mom and try to toast her for you to cuther trip short. In the end tho, mama will do whatever she wants.

[Homiluv]

Really?

Originally Posted by bored

[Naija POV] Worrahell are you doing living together if y'all aint married? If you try this runz, then his mom shouldnt know you live together. When she visits, move all your stuff out and go and stay in your friends house till she leaves (I know 2 couples doing this )
Now if you are married, yes o, better go and buy one of those nice Air mattresses that come up as high as a bed or a futon. You do not give up your marital bed for ANYONE.You just make sure she is as comfortable as you possibly can in whatever space you find for her. [/Naija POV]

[CSC]

Originally Posted by bored

Really?

Yup!

[bored]

Originally Posted by Homiluv

Really?

That was how my mom raised us o. Even with guests in the house, her rule was that you dont give up your bed for people. You make them as comfortable as you can and you keep coming back to ask "Mummy, s'e wa okay? Te ba need anything jo, e so fun wa" then come out every 15 minutes with pillows and blankets and naija DVDs (since the TV is in front of her )

[Homiluv]

lol...yea with just guests but with your parents?

I actually don't think parents should/would let a married couple leave their marital bed but its one of those 'should be offered' type things...can't say i've given it much thot sha so i really don't know what the right thing should be

Originally Posted by bored

That was how my mom raised us o. Even with guests in the house, her rule was that you dont give up your bed for people. You make them as comfortable as you can and you keep coming back to ask "Mummy, s'e wa okay? Te ba need anything jo, e so fun wa" then come out every 15 minutes with pillows and blankets and naija DVDs (since the TV is in front of her )

[bored]

Originally Posted by Homiluv

lol...yea with just guests but with your parents?

I actually don't think parents should/would let a married couple leave their marital bed but its one of those 'should be offered' type things...can't say i've given it much thot sha so i really don't know what the right thing should be

I think you're right as per "offer" in the knowledge that no self-respecting parent would take you up on it unless they were physically Ill and it truly made sense.

[J3D]

Originally Posted by bored

That was how my mom raised us o. Even with guests in the house, her rule was that you dont give up your bed for people. You make them as comfortable as you can and you keep coming back to ask "Mummy, s'e wa okay? Te ba need anything jo, e so fun wa" then come out every 15 minutes with pillows and blankets and naija DVDs (since the TV is in front of her )

I know this looks like a female forum but allow me to chime in really quick.... A considerate MiL should understand where you r coming 4rm but one wise way of handling that situation (and a lot of other issues raised in this thread) is to let your hubby/fiancé handle them. And, ask him a lot of questions on how they handle these different scenarios in his family – like someone said IT DEPENDS. Wisdom is always the principal thing.

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by bored

[Naija POV] Worrahell are you doing living together if y'all aint married? If you try this runz, then his mom shouldnt know you live together. When she visits, move all your stuff out and go and stay in your friends house till she leaves (I know 2 couples doing this )
Now if you are married, yes o, better go and buy one of those nice Air mattresses that come up as high as a bed or a futon. You do not give up your marital bed for ANYONE. You just make sure she is as comfortable as you possibly can in whatever space you find for her. [/Naija POV]

I've heard people say never give your marital bed to no one...
So if the couple is married, mamma gosta stay on the couch or air-mattras
else
One person has to go into hiding.
If the couple is engaged, does it count? Does the lady/man still have to go into hiding when a parent visits?

[Arokoyo]

MEN ARE VERY WELCOME TO POST PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOUR OPINION COUNTS AND IS WELL ADMIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FIE]

I know someone that almost did this. When she told me I thought I was going to slap myself. I could not believe it. Even if someone is crazy enough to offer their bed you should be smart enough to refuse it. But then again we are talking about nigerians

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by bored

Miserable Yoruba culture you are now a junior Iyawo ile and technically the lowest in the food chain. And if your husband is a yoruba man, you know his mother is more important to him than your happines. In a good marriage, your hubby should know your rship with his mom and try to toast her for you to cuther trip short. In the end tho, mama will do whatever she wants.

are you kidding? is this the norm with yoruba marriages?

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by bored

I think you're right as per "offer" in the knowledge that no self-respecting parent would take you up on it unless they were physically Ill and it truly made sense.

what if you offer, expecting a "no thank you" but the mama says "okay" and carries herself to the bed and begins to snore sef. what do you do?

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by FIE

I know someone that almost did this. When she told me I thought I was going to slap myself. I could not believe it. Even if someone is crazy enough to offer their bed you should be smart enough to refuse it. But then again we are talking about nigerians

My only problem will be that i do not like people...even my siblings sef, parents, or anyone sleeping onthe bed that i share with my man, married or not. I just don't think i'll feel comfortable with it at all.