Questions about Marriage & Naija Culture - What's the norm?

[Bende]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state?

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

yup, but me i am not doing this shege

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by Bende

i only know my mom's culture (igbo), my granny stayed for almost a year when i was born, and my dad's mom (edo) stayed for like 2 months or so

1 year? wow...that's serious

[bored]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

AnotherQuestion before i go eat

Question 6:
Naija boy like naija girl. They've decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Naija girl has met his parents/family unofficially, they all like her. Naija boy has met her parents/family unofficially, they all like him. Now, both partners have decided it time to start making preparations: The couple's parents have not met and never spoken. For example, they live in different state or cities or even countries.

Who calls who. Which parents calls first. Which parents visit each other first. What is the scheme of things?
Tell me your experience or what you've seen happen. I just want to know what most naija people do.

This one, Im not sure, but I think each person needs to tell their individual parents of their intent. Then, for Yoruba people o, (that is all i can speak for) the boys family is coming to marry a wife, so the boys family makes the first move. Nothing major, just a few phone calls to mama-girl to greet her etc and create familiarity. Next (Im assuming the wedding isnt like tomorrow) the families start inviting each other to family events (mummys birthday Owambe, Grandads funeral etc). After that one sha, I dont know. I can call my mom and ask what happens next sha.

[SISSY]

wow una shud continue..i dey learn new tings today

[Homiluv]

The boys family makes the first move....it'll be as easy as 'boy calls girls mum to say hello...ah 'mummy' talk to My mum'...to get the ball rolling.

[dols]

its the boy's family that do the callin and so on, after all they r they beggin for a wife. they will usually set a mutualy agreed date for an introduction. they boys parents and some elders from his family go to the house of the girl's family. they will bring some small gift sha. and just introduce themselves officially.

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

AnotherQuestion before i go eat

Question 6:
Naija boy like naija girl. They've decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Naija girl has met his parents/family unofficially, they all like her. Naija boy has met her parents/family unofficially, they all like him. Now, both partners have decided it time to start making preparations: The couple's parents have not met and never spoken. For example, they live in different state or cities or even countries.

Who calls who. Which parents calls first. Which parents visit each other first. What is the scheme of things?
Tell me your experience or what you've seen happen. I just want to know what most naija people do.

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by bored

This one, Im not sure, but I think each person needs to tell their individual parents of their intent. Then, for Yoruba people o, (that is all i can speak for) the boys family is coming to marry a wife, so the boys family makes the first move. Nothing major, just a few phone calls to mama-girl to greet her etc and create familiarity. Next (Im assuming the wedding isnt like tomorrow) the families start inviting each other to family events (mummys birthday Owambe, Grandads funeral etc). After that one sha, I dont know. I can call my mom and ask what happens next sha.

Please check sweety.
A friend of mine actually asked me this. She's delta..tho they speak yoruba, but her man is yoruba.

[CSC]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Naija man and woman. Newly weds, delivers a child.
Is it required or is it the norm that the 2 inlaws come for your first baby?
Is it the norm that one of the mothers must stay for at least 3 months when your first baby is born to help you?
Who stays? Or which one is more common, husband's mother or wife's mother?


___________
Note: This is not about me oh, they are just random questions that i always wonder about.
More questions to come. Feel free to ask or answer questions please. Share ur thoughts. Need to know some things.

Answer #1:
Igbo people do something called Omugwo (sp?), where the mama of the bride comes and spends some time with her. In my aunt's case, her mom passed away so her oldest sister took some time off to come and stay with her. I know someone whose mama spent like a good 6 months so it depends.

[Arokoyo]

Originally Posted by bored

Yes o. Not only thank you, but "sorry" too. YOU want todo them a favor, its not convenient for you to do it on the persons schedule then you have to "Mummy, jo, e maa binu" 100,000 times.

I was surprised when she called, tho i apologized and lied that i meant to call ...and just gave some random excuse.
After i spoke to my mom, we called her again the next day to thank her some more and called her a week later to see how her week is going and to thank her over and over again

[CSC]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 2. Is it compulsory that you buy gift(s) for your fiance's (male or female) family when you go to visit them. Like his/her younger siblings or his/her mother? Let's say they live in a different city, town or state?

Question 3. For females: When a naija female visits her future husband's family (for the first few times) she's just knowing them, since they are not married yet. It is required or the norm, or is she expected to get into the kitchen and help out? Since she is a guest.

Answer #2

I wouldn't buy gifts all the time but sure, why not the occasional gift. I don't think it is compulsory per se. It doesn't have to be anything major...In Naija we could carry yams, chicken and all that good stuff. Dunno the kind of gifts that folk finna be buying here sha.

Answer #3
Well, I would help out. I wouldn't wanna sit and cross leg on the couch while Momma and sister are slaving away in the kitchen. I'd definitely volunteer my services, or after dinner offer to clear the plates and do the dishes. When I go to people's houses anyway, I tend to do this so e no be big deal.

[CSC]

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 4. Is it normal or required that you make his sister(s) your bridemaid (or his brother ur groomsman if male) when you are getting married. If you are not friends with them, i.e. you didn't know his/her sibling before you met your partner. Is it required that yall use each other's sibling in your wedding party?

Answer #4

Please! No be by force o jare. Even if I got to be close with his sisters, abegi...I get plenty friends wey I don sabi before am. Make she feel honored with her Aso ebi role and let's keep it moving.

[Starlomor]

for real?? good to know.. she really should keep her "aso oke"

Originally Posted by Arokoyo

Question 5:
Me i didn't know that when someone gives you guys a gift when you visit them!
And you already thanked them --- thank them, thank them...ohh, up until you left, even as they walked u guys to the car, you are kneeling down fifty times and almost somersaulting on their flower pot.
Ask me what the gift is: aso-ebi...aso oke for two.
You have to call them again the next morning!!!! to thank them for the gift!!!!!!
Like seriously?! wtf...but you know what, it's the culture. It's how it's done. I didn't know this. I wish someone had told me.
When the mama (his mom's friend) called me a week later saying she's offended that i didn't call to thank her...i was like and his mom already thanked her for us oh, cos we told her.

My mom said, im silly that i was supposed to call her to thank her again the next day and a week after, that it's the culture. Please guys i need a manual -- does anyone have anything typed up i can read?

[NaijaBred]

i have a feeling i'll be fucking things up with the in-laws in future

[bored]

Originally Posted by NaijaBred

i have a feeling i'll be fucking things up with the in-laws in future

[Starlomor]

My head is actually hurting and for some reason i'm getting more pissed reading this.. maybe i'm just pmsing otherwise culture SUCKS!