What some women go through sha

BlueBeauty · 06-05-2008, 09:51 AM

A note I just got from a friend.

Quote:

hey BB. i just needed to let some steam off and to get some things off my chest. ‘dumbo’ and i are really not doing well. lately things have gotten worse and i am really thinking about leaving. i have been finding different things on the computer. he has been trying to get in touch with an old flame. today i found that he has been searching on the computer for a website call mate1.com. also i have found an email that he sent to an old flame trying to get in touch with her. also, he gets up early in the morning and spends hours on the computer. this morning i just happened to find out how to find out what sites he has been on. also, since i have gotten into his email he has put a block so that i cannot find get into his email. he has a hotmail acct, yahoo, msn, myspace, mate1.com,netzero, classmates.com, and blackplanet account. he has also been searching the web for an attorney. i don't trust him anymore. he locks his cell phone. why would you lock it unless
you have something to hide. so i have began keeping a record of his activity. i am going out of town this weekend, and i just wish i had someone to spy on him while i am gone. what do i do now? i know that our relationship is not good, but at least i have not been doing the stuff that he has been doing. Please call me when you can….

How do you console someone in this situation huh? I so lack skills in consoling people, I never know what to say. Can’t tell her to leave; she probably won’t & I don’t think its my place. i never like the dude. Ladies what advice would you give if you had a friend in this mess?

Btw, they are married & got 2 kids and he is almost useless when it comes to supporting his family. Changes jobs like it paper towel.

**Nene** · 06-05-2008, 10:06 AM

u can't do anything . That's how she made her bed and that's how she's gonna lie on it

Ms Tolace · 06-05-2008, 10:08 AM

emotional support...make sure her kids are fine..if u can take em 4rm her 4 a day sha or few hrs

swazi · 06-05-2008, 10:32 AM

Are they married?
If so, it seems this guy is thinking about a divorce.Instead of spying on his extra marital activities, maybe she should track down all his assets, and find out how much money he has hidden away.Thus when he does finally divorce her, she at least can hold a strong case in court.

As for her marriege falling apart, thats sad, but you know what I say, sometimes if someone wants to go, let him go.She must start rebuilding her own life, slowly get used to living without him, and consentrate on her well being.Sometimes when we try to hold on, that gives the man even more reason to leave.

If he really is going through a phase, then he will come around when he realises that he might be loosing the woman he loves.But if her letting go of the relationship , makes no difference to him, then maybe she is better off without him.

pynkspyce · 06-05-2008, 11:04 AM

dang. she needs help sha. Dont know what to tell u. just be there for her.

Arinze · 06-05-2008, 11:16 AM

This wouldn't have been a bad advice if he were female. You are almost telling him to act like a father figure to the kids when their father is still very much in the picture.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms Tolace

emotional support...make sure her kids are fine..if u can take em 4rm her 4 a day sha or few hrs

NaijaBred · 06-05-2008, 01:34 PM

swazi has great advice. depending on the level of you all's friendship, you could let her know the reality. if he can't hold a job, chances are that she has been raising those kids alone financially anyway. if he is not there as a father, then she's being doing the emotional piece single-handedly too so what is the point of him being a father figure just for show?
she's asking for help. i think you should give her the hardline truth, which would be look out for herself and her kids and stop focusing so much energy on his actions.
and who made the comment about how she made her bed? like wtf??

Lady ACM · 06-05-2008, 01:40 PM

oh they r married with 2 kids??
well she cn live a HAPPY life without him anywayz... might be hard, but it aint impossible. she should talk to him sha.... COMMUNICATION might help.. find out whatsup and why he's doing wot he's doing, see a shrink and if all else fails, find her square root.

NaijaBred · 06-05-2008, 01:44 PM

i think she has enough to go off of jare. sometimes the sneak attack is the best way to get trifling negroes. get her ducks in a row and then let him know what's up

pebbles · 06-05-2008, 02:22 PM

Telling her to walk out is the easy way out, she shouldn't take the easy way out at first. Their biggest issue is probably lack of communication which leads to resentment. He seems to be pulling away for what ever reason. If things were dandy at any point then something must have gone wrong for one of them or both of them to change their attitude. They need to find an alone time and talk about what is bothering them. They can list things the other person isn't doing or doing and find a middle ground. If this leads to more arguments then they should find a third party to mediate. If they can't afford a therapist, some community centers offers free or cheap services like this.

It's obvious she doesn't want to leave him and I don't think she should yet before trying to get help. It's not easy raising two kids and even worse alone.

DropDead_Ugly · 06-05-2008, 02:40 PM

Not to take the idea of a bad man out of it, but isn't it possible that the woman has a hand partly in the hubby's behavior and act??

Uncle. DDU x3

**specialk** · 06-05-2008, 02:50 PM

shes sneaking thru his stuff and asking friends to spy on her hubby.....and she is wondering why their relationship is sour.. Women sef...

DropDead_Ugly · 06-05-2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialk

shes sneaking thru his stuff and asking friends to spy on her hubby.....and she is wondering why their relationship is sour.. Women sef...

Shhhhhh.., don't say anything now.

Uncle. DDU x3

swazi · 06-05-2008, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialk

shes sneaking thru his stuff and asking friends to spy on her hubby.....and she is wondering why their relationship is sour.. Women sef...

True.

pebbles · 06-05-2008, 04:37 PM

Ppl just don't wake up one day and start snooping their partner, he must have given her a reason to. The only thing is, that won't solve the problem, it will only create more tension. They both need help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialk

shes sneaking thru his stuff and asking friends to spy on her hubby.....and she is wondering why their relationship is sour.. Women sef...

06-05-2008, 10:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
Nene Elder Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: where u least expect Posts: 12,139 Points: 20,018.20 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 20,018.20 Donate Rep Power: 1567154	u can't do anything . That's how she made her bed and that's how she's gonna lie on it __________________ uncool list : cool list: Dele,Tayo I JUST BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO TAKE LIFE BY THE REINS, AND ACT LIKE YOU MEAN BUSINESS

06-05-2008, 10:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ms Tolace J'habite dans ma tete ♥ Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: in my head. Posts: 34,435 Points: 0.00 Bank: 255,209,992,857.44 Total Points: 255,209,992,857.44 Donate Rep Power: 21461295	emotional support...make sure her kids are fine..if u can take em 4rm her 4 a day sha or few hrs __________________

06-05-2008, 10:32 AM	#4 (permalink)
swazi Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: The place to be, Africa 2010 Posts: 2,273 Points: 5,444.83 Bank: 69,868.68 Total Points: 75,313.51 Donate Rep Power: 0	Are they married? If so, it seems this guy is thinking about a divorce.Instead of spying on his extra marital activities, maybe she should track down all his assets, and find out how much money he has hidden away.Thus when he does finally divorce her, she at least can hold a strong case in court. As for her marriege falling apart, thats sad, but you know what I say, sometimes if someone wants to go, let him go.She must start rebuilding her own life, slowly get used to living without him, and consentrate on her well being.Sometimes when we try to hold on, that gives the man even more reason to leave. If he really is going through a phase, then he will come around when he realises that he might be loosing the woman he loves.But if her letting go of the relationship , makes no difference to him, then maybe she is better off without him. __________________ People will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

06-05-2008, 11:04 AM	#5 (permalink)
pynkspyce NRPD Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: labe Igi Orombo Posts: 15,491 Points: 412,521.00 Bank: 5,903,977.08 Total Points: 6,316,498.08 Donate Rep Power: 21474884	dang. she needs help sha. Dont know what to tell u. just be there for her. __________________ مستقبلي لذلك ساطعة يعمي هو

06-05-2008, 01:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
NaijaBred Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,220 Points: 21,960.73 Bank: 8,898,476,635.22 Total Points: 8,898,498,595.95 Donate Rep Power: 0	swazi has great advice. depending on the level of you all's friendship, you could let her know the reality. if he can't hold a job, chances are that she has been raising those kids alone financially anyway. if he is not there as a father, then she's being doing the emotional piece single-handedly too so what is the point of him being a father figure just for show? she's asking for help. i think you should give her the hardline truth, which would be look out for herself and her kids and stop focusing so much energy on his actions. and who made the comment about how she made her bed? like wtf?? Last edited by NaijaBred; 06-05-2008 at 01:37 PM..

06-05-2008, 01:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
NaijaBred Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,220 Points: 21,960.73 Bank: 8,898,476,635.22 Total Points: 8,898,498,595.95 Donate Rep Power: 0	i think she has enough to go off of jare. sometimes the sneak attack is the best way to get trifling negroes. get her ducks in a row and then let him know what's up

06-05-2008, 02:40 PM	#11 (permalink)
DropDead_Ugly Veteran Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Next Door Posts: 18,636 Points: 407,060.00 Bank: 2,872,803,668.13 Total Points: 2,873,210,728.13 Donate Rep Power: 21474893	Not to take the idea of a bad man out of it, but isn't it possible that the woman has a hand partly in the hubby's behavior and act?? Uncle. DDU x3 __________________

06-05-2008, 02:50 PM	#12 (permalink)
specialk BABA iBEJI Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: ****** Posts: 10,230 Points: 79,192.80 Bank: 625,398.98 Total Points: 704,591.79 Donate Rep Power: 21474876	shes sneaking thru his stuff and asking friends to spy on her hubby.....and she is wondering why their relationship is sour.. Women sef... __________________ C A R E E R

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