Physical Abuse

[seen]

Now this is a sensitive topic-all opinions welcomed (no matter how non kosher it may be).


For the men out there, is it possible to hit your girlfriend and still care for her or love her? Now my answer is no, but my male friends tell me that it's not that simplistic- it's more telling of the person's lack of self-control than their feelings for their girlfriend.

How true is this and why do some males believe that if they do not beat their girlfriend to a bloody "pulp" then it is ok to be aggressive (i.e push, shove, slap across face, etc).

For the ladies, would you ever stay with someone who hit you (if only once). Scenario, you swear at your boyfriend and he slaps you across your face (for the first time)- do you walk out on the relationship or caution him not to repeat. My answer would be to walk out, but I guess it's easier said then done (particularly when you love the person and have been in a long term relationship with them).

Food for thought anyone?

[naija_pikin]

I can't really see myself swearing at my boyfriend, and in all honesty, I cannot tell you with 100% certainty what my reaction would be in that kind of situation. The physically walking out at that point is a given; I would definitely be incensed. Whether or not I take him back would depend on his behaviour and actions over the next couple of days/weeks.

Then again, I have to take into consideration the words I myself would have uttered to trigger that reaction from him, and what kind of man he is. If I said things that were very hurtful and which struck him deeply (attacked him from his most vulnerable angle, for example), then I would also be at fault. *sigh* But then the problem now becomes how the whole thing started to begin with. Such scenarios are hard to respond to, because in real life situations so many different factors are at play, and so much can happen in the heat/spur of the moment - even forgiveness.

[Boss]

I can't answer that question because I don't understand the minds of boys who beat their women up...

Situations vary, and the answer could be very complicated when one delves into attempting to answer the question.

[DropDead_Ugly]

I said it before I'll say it again, some of these girls, not all, but some infact majority of them needs to be smacked around once in a while to be put in check. If you no like am then don't quote me.

As I tell that Chic am messing with, America can protect you, but best believe I am marking everything down cos once the plane land for Murtarla Int. for Lagos, I go begin beat you till you reach ya Mama house.

Uncle. DDU x3

[Nene]

Originally Posted by Boss

I can't answer that question because I don't understand the minds of boys who beat their women up...

.

yep me too! I've never been exposed to violence in a relationship in my life , and be rest assurred that would be the unthinkable. To my knowledge i don't personally know any men that would lay a hand on a woman

[Nene]

Originally Posted by Boss

Situations vary, and the answer could be very complicated when one delves into attempting to answer the question.

there's no explanation , the only solution is psychiatric help or substance abuse help when a man starts to hit a woman

@ DDU. smh

[Boss]

Originally Posted by Nene

there's no explanation , the only solution is psychiatric help or substance abuse help when a man starts to hit a woman

sometimes, it's the womans fault...it seems there are some women who love physical abuse...

[Kikelomo]

Wow.....the woman carried his hand and used it to slap herself?Now ive heard it all.

[naija_pikin]

Originally Posted by Jaemellah

Wow.....the woman carried his hand and used it to slap herself?Now ive heard it all.

You know I wouldn't usually agree with him, but even if we're considering different types of scenarios, he's right.

Think about the girl/woman who is in a relationship with someone who tends towards violence. See, if she liked herself, she wouldn't be in there to begin with, but hey. Say she's there. Now this doesn't mean that dude automatically thinks of beating her up everytime something goes wrong, by any means...he just has a problem with anger management. Chick knows this, but what does she do at any and every available opportunity during a quarrel? She does all the things she possibly can to set him off, already knowing what makes him tick. Some girls are even stupid enough to initiate the physical contact when the dude is doing a good job of controlling his anger.

So, really, while physical abuse in itself in inexcusable, some women really do seem to beg for it. Think of the Shaniquas in this world who are constantly yelling and cussing in the face of men 3 times their size -- men who had no decent upbringing. It's not right, but chances are they'll get their asses kicked, and they really would have no one to blame but themselves.

Near-perfect example: think of the crazy friend in "Why did I get married?". She was lucky enough to have a husband who took it all in stride. Now flip the script and give her a husband she already knows has problems with violence and she nonetheless comes at him in the way she did. Constantly belittling, disrespecting him, etc. For imagination's sake, add a slap here and there from her. What would you call that?

[Bende]

Originally Posted by naija_pikin

You know I wouldn't usually agree with him, but even if we're considering different types of scenarios, he's right.

Think about the girl/woman who is in a relationship with someone who tends towards violence. See, if she liked herself, she wouldn't be in there to begin with, but hey. Say she's there. Now this doesn't mean that dude automatically thinks of beating her up everytime something goes wrong, by any means...he just has a problem with anger management. Chick knows this, but what does she do at any and every available opportunity during a quarrel? She does all the things she possibly can to set him off, already knowing what makes him tick. Some girls are even stupid enough to initiate the physical contact when the dude is doing a good job of controlling his anger.

So, really, while physical abuse in itself in inexcusable, some women really do seem to beg for it. Think of the Shaniquas in this world who are constantly yelling and cussing in the face of men 3 times their size -- men who had no decent upbringing. It's not right, but chances are they'll get their asses kicked, and they really would have no one to blame but themselves.

Near-perfect example: think of the crazy friend in "Why did I get married?". She was lucky enough to have a husband who took it all in stride. Now flip the script and give her a husband she already knows has problems with violence and she nonetheless comes at him in the way she did. Constantly belittling, disrespecting him, etc. For imagination's sake, add a slap here and there from her. What would you call that?

if someone is all up in your face you walk the fuck away not hit the person, not having good upbringing is no excuse for hitting another person or the world would descend into anarchy, this whole "blame the victim" nonsense is stupid

[daddidollars]

I would never touch a woman in my life(except for otha reasons )....... How can you beat/slap or shove a woman when you have a mother or sister...... think about your daughters getting absued....... please slapping and beating your wife/girlfriend is overrated.... even if she slaps you, take it like a man...... like chris Rock says Ill neva beat a woman but ill shake the hell out of her ......

[naija_pikin]

Originally Posted by TheBendelite

if someone is all up in your face you walk the fuck away not hit the person, not having good upbringing is no excuse for hitting another person or the world would descend into anarchy, this whole "blame the victim" nonsense is stupid

Are you kidding me? First of all, I'm pretty sure that I said the thing is inexcusable, but you're really going to tell me that a boy who was not brought up with any decent male figures around him, whose mother is not particularly responsible herself in terms of her child's upbringing, and who is surrounded by violence is conceivably going to walk away (we're talking odds here)? And a stupid girl who, despite knowing and having been witness to a boy's violent tendencies and temper nonetheless insists on doing all she possibly can to arouse that temper, is not at least partly to blame? It's not like I'm sitting here telling you that a woman in skimpy clothing was asking to be raped - that's a completely different issue. Some girls/women really are lacking in basic intelligence.

In any case, I'm not going to say any more. It is what it is at the end of the day.

[sisterhelper]

It is posible that he hits you and loves in a very sick way. Even if you love him (which is the excuse which women use to stay in abusive relationships) you have to leave, things can get really violent and get much worse. Real love does not hurt intentionally! And BTW shaking IS abuse too!

[seen]

Originally Posted by TheBendelite

if someone is all up in your face you walk the fuck away not hit the person, not having good upbringing is no excuse for hitting another person or the world would descend into anarchy, this whole "blame the victim" nonsense is stupid

You see that is what I am saying. Some of these men would never hit their plasma tv in a fit of anger or brand new "ride"- they value it way too much. If you value your girlfriend highly, I find it very hard that you would ever think of laying a hand on her- the idea would be so repugnant to you that you would walk away or yell back but never touch her.