Things we've learnt from NOLLYWOOD

[Lyton]

1 . Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a cult sleeping with rich men.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner,
*Calculator,
*Igala,
*Ijele,
*Igodo,
*Igudu,
*Shigidi,
*Eran Iya Oshogbo ,
*Ta longbe mu.
11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips
to speak wrong phonetics'.
12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is...
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
13. An Igbo movie has been made if ...
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-a beautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes, but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!! 25. At the end of a three hour movie you’ll be reminded that THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING…WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!
26. No matter the type of movie…TO GOD BE THE GLORY is always at the end

[gogetter]

wow!!!..u just broke it down..u need to be repped 4 this...very funny too, by d way.

[Lyton]

Thats the break down 4 real. NOllywood def needs alot of improvement. I mean i give them 10thumbs up for being a lot better than their african counterparts but ehn, we can do a lot better than that

[datnunu]

Originally Posted by Lyton

Thats the break down 4 real. NOllywood def needs alot of improvement. I mean i give them 10thumbs up for being a lot better than their african counterparts but ehn, we can do a lot better than that

Yup, like not trying to write, direct, produce and distribute a movie within a week. Anything well thought of needs time. Apparently not naija movies.

[Lyton]

I used to be a big fan of nigeriaonline and their movies. I don't even rem when last i visited there. The movies are just repititive with different names so u can waste ur time watching it. Same story, different name

[NyJeePrinCess]

you forgot to add Ini Edo to #16

[IgboGem]

You had me rolling...21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?

Good post

[CoolVoice]

lol... Naija movies are boresome... and it's true from d advert u know it all...

27. Most especially in yoruba movies, you must not help any one in need... if you insist... you start to have problems.


wat da f**k!!