Mirage

[Laydee-B]

I always want things that don’t want me
Yearning for things which can never be
Seeing me next to it
Then
Discovering it’s only a mirage
Figment of an imagination homegrown off fairytales and happy endings
Visioning an unforeseen future full of fantasies which will never be
Rejecting those who really care
Replacing them with souls who only temporarily will be there
Why am I so excited by thrills and fake promises?
Aroused by not knowing if it’s real
Turned on by not being able to accurately feel him
Make believing I can read his mind
Wishing that somehow I could make him fall in before he pushes rewind
Eject me-re-program me –uninstall me- do not recover the missing components
Because I wear my desires in my pants pocket way to close to my privates
Not that I’m easy or sleazy
I just fall in and out of L-O-V-E making a mockery of the whole thing
Him today gone tomorrow
I initially wanted to know him beyond his surface
Sought to discover the mysteries behind his slanted eyes which resembled mine
We loved doing the same things
So we meshed
Contributed to an emotional high which now makes me cry
So I write
And can’t help but feeling like I gave him head
Cuz I remain screaming his name while gagging, choking on pre-ejaculated emotions
Bitter like …
Like …like I can’t compare because this feeling never existed until you surfaced here
Throwing up and spitting out my desires because I refuse to swallow
Accept the truth
He came to me amused by what he thought I could do after the sun went down
I got it!!
I’m choking on pre-ejaculated emotions bitter like the taste of love displaced
Bitter like marrying him then finding out he’s gay
Bitter like him cheating with you sister
Like him hitting you in the face, like him saying you ain’t shit just a hit
Bitter I am
Not cuz of him but this consistent cycle

haven't came up wit da ending yet