Widowhood In Nigeria

[sapphire]

The widow is a veritable specimen of suffering. She depicts clearly the male-dominated society in which we all live and man's inhumanity to woman. She is buffeted on all sides, first by her grief which she is not allowed to suffer silently, then by the society who decree that she is a leaf in the wind, all on her own.

In some Nigerians societies, the widow is not as tormented as in others. Among the Yorubas, the tradition is not very harsh on her. Just wear the mandatory black, sit on the floor for as long as one year, don't go to the market and other such restrictions.

Then at the end of the mourning period, she can resume her life once again.

But the story, even among the Yoruba, is not always that smooth. Because she is often seen as a chattel, her late husband's property to be shared along with farmlands and furniture, her troubles may start as soon as her husband is buried.

The widow is the first suspect when causes of her husband's death are being considered. How can she be innocent? Was she not the last person he saw? Did he not sleep with her, eat her food? All types of implausible reasons are strung together to crucify the widow. She must be a witch. She comes from a family of witchdoctors, or don't you remember? The relatives conduct the autopsy in their heads and pronounce her guilty even when the deceased had a prolonged history of diabetes or even cancer.

Oftentimes, when there is financial gain involved, the most successful tool used by greedy in-laws is to accuse the new widow of killing her husband. That way, she is forcibly ejected from the only home she has lived in for probably the better part of her life, out into cold uncertainty. The children are sometimes pushed out after her so that the empire can be adequately shared by the miserable vultures.

Of course, a Yoruba widow is lucky if she gets the support and consolation of her in-laws.

In some parts of Edo State, according to Mrs Nkem Izuako, a seasoned member of the bench, a widow is made to sit on the floor, near naked with a fire to keep her warm for seven days. During this period, she is not allowed to bath. Se must wail and howl her loss at intervals while her relatives keep vigil with her.

After the seven days, she howls and laments all the way to the stream near naked but her mourning is for a whole year.

I remember vividly the paper titled Culture and Widowhood, at a workshop on "The Nigerian Widow - Her Plight in The 21st Century organized by Abia State Women Association in conjunction with PROJECT HEALTH, some years ago, delivered by Mrs Izuako on the horrors widows are made to go through in most of Igboland, not all. If the submissions had not been made by a learned woman, born in Igbo land and married to an Igbo man, I would have found the instances cited unbelievable. The stories were so pathetic that I wondered if the said Igbo societies do not deserve the civilization that is just being preached to the naked inhabitants of Koma Hills. This in the same society where woman can't own land and 60 year old women have to call their four-year-old grandsons to break Kola. The Kola that is supposed to symbolize life cannot be broken by a woman who carries pregnancy for nine months to give life to that four-year-old boy and the all the men in that society! A woman who tills as much land as (if not more than) the man cannot own land unless she buys it in the name of a small boy she trained with her money.
And before any Igbo men (or Igbo women who rationalizes being treated as thrash as) start to curse me, let them start their rejoinders by honestly narrating how widows are treated in their villages (not in Lagos) and how they'd want their wives to be treated if they slump and die today. I know that the punishing and humiliating rites of widowhood do not take place in all Igbo societies but if widows are treated shabbily in your place, why don't you do something instead of picking holes in this piece.

Try, this for size, as told by Mrs Izuako. In one Igbo society, it is an abomination for a woman to see her late husband's corpse. As soon as the man is pronounced dead, the widow is expected to flee home with her children. That is according to tradition but the reality is that while she's on "exile", her in-laws can plunder the deceased's properties.

There was this widow who refused to run away. She stood her ground. The whole village shouted abomination. Her brother-in-law refused to be part of the burial. The widow being a member of the Charismatic Renewal Movement was rescued by the sect who buried the rejected body. To show his "powers", the brother-in-law came late and exhumed the corpse and left it in the open.

Could somebody tell me the rationale behind the tradition that forbids the departed to rest in peace? A custom that forbids a woman who has fed, lived and slept with a man from seeing his body is illogical. Exhuming a brother's corpse in the name of tradition is sickening.

I remember a widow from the Enugu/Agidi Community whose brother-in-law wanted to "inherit" narrating her experience. The brother-in-law was rich, quite so that everybody felt there was no reason why the widow and her children had to suffer. But suffer they did. The children were sent home from school for unpaid fees. The landlord threatened the distressed and hungry family with ejection. Yet the brother-in-law didn't lift a finger to help. When the desperate widow sought him out, he made his amorous intentions known. The widow was shocked.

"How could you even think of sleeping with me?" she tearfully asked.

Smirking, the brother-in-law told her: " you cannot work at railway and collect money at NEPA". And that was the end of all help she could hope to get.

Is the Igbo widow's problem still being compounded by the Umuada (daughters of the land) whose mean mentality of the oppressed make laws that make life horrible for the widow? Or things are different now?

Do they converge to enforce all types of obnoxious laws? If that attitude still obtains, one hopes they know that it is an attitude born of jealousy and lack of self worth.

Do we still have bush people who confine to a corner where she must wail and weep? She acknowledges sympathizers nodding, as she must not speak. Gifts for her are dropped on the floor. She sits there almost naked (especially around Nsukka area) clad in black mourning clothes for between six months to one year. She is not allowed to have more than one change of cloth. The Umuada shaves her head and other parts of her body. Her food is prepared outside the home. She can't use washed plates and cannot eat with "normal" people except widows like her.

In some societies, she is locked up with the corpse. In other climes, she is whipped by terrifying poison-carrying masquerades. She cannot hug or be hugged. She can't shake hands or go to the market. And after the one-year mourning period, she is taken to the river for the Aja-ani ritual during which the aja-ani priest 'rapes' her. In some societies, according to Mrs Izuako, the widow is raped by 10 men. To cleanse her and make her available for other men! Lord have mercy!

So how do they treat widows in your community in the year of our Lord 2006?

[sapphire]

I really don't know about the burial rites from my side, but I know that they don't joke. At least from my side they don't like 'ndi a bia l'a bia' so they make your life a living hell from day one you enter your hisband's house. I won't be surprised if they do even more mean-spirited things when the husband dies.

[tomapep]

This is an area of which I know practically nothing. Tales from others suggest that particularly the people in the village see a woman's bereavement as a time to settle various old scores. So they might insist on her honouring traditions that they would not themselves, such as staying indoors, shaving her head, crying and not eating for a set number of days.
Before the Umuada help do the things that they should, they might hold her to ransom with high-faluting demands.
But like I say, this is a general and anecdotal post.

[sapphire]

When a husband dies, the widow goes into confinement for seven days. During this period she is not allowed to go out, even to the toilet or, take her bath. On the seventh day, her head is shaved to sever the bond between her and the dead husband. She also keeps a vigil and appears very sorrowful by wailing and crying profusely. If she fails to mourn, it is believed that "she may become mentally deranged, or forfeit the right to any benefit." 5. After this, she goes into mourning proper, which is for a period of three months. During mourning, she is to be of impeccable behavior so that her late husband's spirit may gain quick entry into the community of his ancestral spirits. The widow is not expected to court, leave the family, go away with the children, or look in the mirror for fear of seeing the deceased. Until recently, she was not allowed to sit on the bed.

This period is also used to ascertain whether the widow is pregnant or not. At the end of three months, she performs the outing ceremony. She is then free to remarry into the family. A widow may however, refuse to be inherited even if her late husbands's family want it so likewise, a man may equally refuse to inherit his late brother's wife. In ondo, as in other Yoruba land, property belongs to the wife/wives and the children of the deceased. It is shared as Ori o ju ori i.e equally among the children (including girls), or as Idi'ig i.e equally among the wives (were the man has more than one wife), though, the eventual

beneficiaries are the children. Where the widow has no child, she may not get any thing from her husband's property. It reverts back to his family.

http://www.ogbaru.org/widowhood%20in%20Nigeria.html

[sapphire]

In Ogidi town, in Idemili L.G.A., the mourning period is one year during which time, the widow is restricted to the house where she sits on the bare floor for four weeks and her hair is scraped. She is not allowed to talk, laugh, shake hands or greet people, bake cook. Her attire is called "Ogodo upa, that is, "mud cloth" After seven weeks, she removes the "mud cloth" and wears "the ikpim, that is, a pitch black mourning dress" for the rest of the year. Peculiar to this people is the "etum afa, that is "praise naming" which the widow performs (mandatory) three times a day.

In Nanka town, Orumba L.G.A. the only peculiarity of this people is that the widow is forbidden to see the corpse of her husband. Christianity or not, "... any widow who contravenes this customs laterality ceases to exist... She neither buys from nor sell to any other member of the community. All men run away from her... She is avoided like death...." . In Ogbunka town, still in Orumba South L.G.A., a widow is secluded behind the house immediately the husband dies. The Umuada force her to observe the routine wailing from morning till night for many days. This widow is in turn expected to provide the oku awa i.e. yam meal with a chicken, for the Umuada (on daily basis).

In Ezira and Nawfija, "the widow is put in a cage" She is allowed to sit on a mat or mattress inside her "cage" though she does not sleep there. According to these people, the widow is "... most vulnerable to physical pains inflicted on her by vicious mourners, who are in the habit of throwing their whole weight on the victim, in the guise of deep sympathy." The widow wears either black or white for seven months at the end of which, she wears another dress for the remaining five months that is neither black nor white.

In Akili-Ogidi town, in Ogbaru L.G.A., widowhood practice is the same as in Ogidi town except that, "the widow does here evening crying shift through the onu ntapa, that is, a chink in the wall. She must also be facing the west... throughout the first twenty eight days after the burial..." Because of civilization however, the working class widow is allowed to return to work after the short bereavement leave granted her. However, no widow is allowed to step out of her husbands compound on her own feet. She mut be"...carried by a man out of the compound to.. The road, to take transport to her destination."

http://www.ogbaru.org/widowhood%20in%20Nigeria.html

[sapphire]

In Bini land, widowhood rights are in two stages. First, the widow is confined to a room outside the family house for seven days immediately after the interment of the deceased husband. She is dressed in black with her hair left unkempt and, she is not allowed to take her bath. She must look mournful and sober and must cry, morning and evening. On the seventh day, a wake keeping ceremony is held and the widow is forbidden (by custom) to sleep because, the spirit of the dead man will come around and kill her if she is found sleeping! On the same day, she perform the semi-purification rites by taking her bath around 4.am at a road junction (all alone). Her safe return proves her innocence.

The Second stage of mourning begins at the end of the seventh day. The widow smears herself and her clothing with black charcoal and remains so for three months. At the end of the third month, the final purification, which admits her into the society, is performed. On inheritance, both the widow and property are inheritable objects.

Among the Esan, the practice is almost the same but for some little differences. During the seven days of mourning, the widow carries an Ikhmin, which is a many sided plant which is used to wade off evil spirit. She is also forbidden to sleep on the night preceding the seventh day because, it is believed that, the husband will visit and carry her away if she sleeps! A widow in Esan however, takes "... her bath in the night at a burial ground or at some obscure or isolated spot..." 14 and she shoots an arrow into the bush afterwards, to deter the late husband from coming near her again.

Throughout the three months mourning period, a pot containing some leaves believed to wade off evil, is left burning on the stove. The widow performs the purification rites after three months, which includes her hair, being shaved. On inheritance, a wife cannot inherit, rather; she is part of the "objects" to be inherited.

In Agenebode land, women here have different status/order of birth. A woman is either Amoya, a title that is highly respected and cherished because in marriage, she is given out totally or, she is Adegbe, a title that allows the woman to stay in her father's house even after marriage. Northing is done is her father's house without consulting her. As a result of these differences, varying degree of rights and privileges are given to them.

When an Amoya is widowed, one of her sister-in-law who is an Adebge will assist her to wear a white hand woven pant. This she wears for one whole year without washing or changing. She stays indoors and can't even go to the market or church. Her hair is scraped and, she is in total seclusion wearing only black. By virtue of her birth, she remains in her husband's house for life. If she accepts toe be inherited, she performs the purification right to legitimize the transfer. If she does not want to be inherited, she performs another rite to appease the family's ancestors. Her son inherits the property of the deceased if she happens to have the first son, this does not however transfer ownership of the property to her.

The situation is different, when an Adebge is widowed. She does not go through all the rites an Amoya goes through.

Her hair and that of her children is scraped on the fifth day after the death. Wearing of black is her choice and her movement is not restricted for one day, she goes about her normal business. The issue of inheritance does not arise for her because, she goes back to her father's house as soon as the man dies though, she is free to stay (if she so desires), without any obligation to the family of the late husband. If she is the mother of the first son, he inherits all his father's property.

and another one:

The Bini widow is called “nodegbo” i.e one who has fallen in the family. As is the case in most customs, the rites as observed are in connection with the wives guilt in her husbands death. The Bini women insist that the essence of entire mourning rites is to prove their innocence but the males hold that only acts like swearing are done to determine the innocence of the widow and all other aspects are to protect the woman from being hunted by the late husband14. Whatever the case failure to observe these rites may mean either guilt or still being married to the dead man and that is why despite the trauma, now many women refuse to observe them. In the past men and women mourned their dead in the same way but not only women (with the passage of time) mourn this way due to the eroding equality of sexes15. Bini widows go through varying rites that differ from family to family and in most cases contain or deals to prove the woman’s guilt. While the relationship between a woman and her late husbands family influences what she is made to conform to, on the average a widow is expected to go through some basis customary rites applicable all through Bini kingdom16.

For a Bini widow, the period of traditional mourning starts on the night of the burial. The widow is taken to a back room where she will spend the next seven days on the floor with a few leaves spread as a mat, sitting next to a fire that must remain burning non-stop for the whole period. She is expected to have no bath and must continue wearing the same clothes, which is a small piece of cloth. Throughout the period she is wearing this small cloth she holds a bundle of broomsticks with her right hand and eats with her left hand. During this period she is not allowed to touch water except for drinking purposes and therefore the hand remains unwashed. At dusk and dawn she goes to the back of the house to lament over her husband’s death.

On the seventh and last day she keeps an all night vigil in the company of her relations. Around 4a.m she picks up her leaves, the wood and ashes from the fire and crying unescorted goes to an appointed place usually a nearby bush where she throws away all the items that she used for mourning, including the cloth she has been tying, she has her bath at the bush using water form an earthen ware pot placed there by the deceased husband’s relations. She returns home naked chanting songs on her way back without looking backwards for once. When she gets home she baths again and ties another wrapper (a black wrapper) before entering the house and she must wear black for at least one year and does not go out for months17. In addition to all of these she may have been made to swear that she is innocent, the consequences of false swearing being illness and death. If a woman goes through all these without falling ill or dying, she is exonerated of any restless spirit of the deceased and also it ascertains the woman innocence for their son’s death.

[sapphire]

In this part, a widow must shave off all her hair on the death of her husband, she was required to go into compulsory mourning at the death of her husband. She was to go about in rags for a year by discarding all her cloths and having to tie a small black or smoked cloth round her loins. Strings were tied to her ankle, wrists and neck for seven days all presumably as sign of mourning her loss, but it is not easy to see what the hair has to do with a person’s feeling of a dear departed one unless of cause, it is intended to make the widow unattractive to any other man for a period of time. In some cases she is allowed the minimum of clothing just enough to cover her nakedness; she is made to sleep on the bare floor and to eat with broken plates, she is confined to the recesses of an inner chamber forbidden to see the light of day for some period prescribed by custom and the woman dare not complain.8

For seven days the widow was compelled to sleep on the ground, even taking a bath and was confined to her house, weeping loudly and generally cutting a pitiable figure for herself during the seven-day mourning period. She armed herself with a bow and arrow and in some cases a house knife with which she was supposed to frighten away the spirit of her dead husband9. In some communities washing and bathing during this period calls for punishment of the widow because she is assumed to be beautifying herself and not showing enough grief at the death of her husband. A significant aspect of the widowhood rites is Ishan is that a woman also lost her social status on the death of her husband for example C.J. Okojie. Writes that

“a woman sank in her social status like lead in water, on losing her husband in the village. If she was the most senior woman in the villages she then becomes the most junior, and even to achieve that position, she has to be inherited; if not and she merely stayed with the children, she had no position at all10.

The story is said to be worse for widows from another ethnic group such widows have more unbearable rites if the marriage is interracial. There is a complete lack of regard for next of king of deceased by heartless brothers/relatives of such deceased. For the seven days she is made to sleep on the bare floor, sometimes she is raped while serving this punishment of letting their husband die as if power of life and death are in one’s hands. These widows are the subject of un-parallel ridicule and vendetta after the husbands death, they put the wife’s head down and shave their heads and ask them to confess in the most punitive manner to how they killed their husbands. Property is thereafter shared amongst these heartless creations. After this they decide amongst themselves who will marry the woman and if she refuses, she is banished from town with her kids and if she dares disobey this banishment, she and her fatherless kids are beaten and dragged out of town. Should the woman die in the event that she is allowed to stay, her sins would visit the children in turn just as they did their mother after the father’s death and to top it all these lazy, arrogant, devil may care men will descend on their mother’s property11. From the above it is obvious that a widow under Ishan customary law has no better status than a slave and infact one respondent put it succinctly when she said “it is better to reign in hell, than be an Ishan widow

[sapphire]

The Nupe’s normally adopt some of the widowhood practices of the former mid-western states, however being situated in the middle belt geographical areas, some fundamental difference exist, for example a widow is not allowed to wash, plait the hair or leave her compound for forty days after her husbands death. One peculiar thing in this custom is that the men are required to do the same, although it is for an absurdly short period of four days

[sapphire]

These two tribes in the south south area of the country have similar widowhood rites and their patterns follow that of the Ishan speaking area of the country. However the Efik have a more liberal widowhood and succession custom that does not severely discriminate against women, a feature that has been linked to the matrilineal nature of their society

[MIprincess]

Widowhood sha is tough, in my area things have calmed down, outside of regular shaving your head. Kai Umuada can be wicked o tho.
In the past, the real trad one was that the some of wives of a chief were usually buried alive with the husband. But they usually do "ikuchiri" where if the woman is still of child beraing age, someone(a young "capable" man) in the "umunna"/extended fam will have to get her pregnant. The child will obviously answer the late husband's name, and go thru that lineage, but within the umunna, everyone would sort of know. Not common now though

[sapphire]

The burial practice here is that, the man is buried almost immediately he dies. The widow is restricted to one place, however, if she is still within childbearing age, she is restricted to one room. She cannot go to the toilet unaccompanied; neither can she go to the farm to get food, even for her children.

Among the Etulo people, a widow is confined in mourning for three months during which it would be confirmed if she is pregnant or not. Her only attire is a piece of cloth called bento, which has a ritual object ascribed to it. This cloth is tied round the waist of the deceased man, and the widow now wears it as a symbol of her sexual relationship with the late husband. It is also believed that, this bento deters the widow from any act o "... flirtation or promiscuity before she is culturally freed from widowhood." 15. After the three months of mourning, she prepares for the outing ceremony. Her hair is shaved during this period and, she exchanges the bento for a white dress, which, she also stops wearing after outing ceremony. On the issue of inheritance, the Etulo are a matrilineal society. A barren widow has no rights to any of her late husband's property. Even where the widows have children, the property still goes to the maternal relationships who may out of good will and pity give part of it to his children.

Among the Idomas, the widow mourns for at least one year wearing sackcloth. She performs the cleansing/outing ceremony with the help of her age grade (peers) at he end of the mourning period. This done, she is free to remarry either within or outside of the family. In Idoma land, the late man's property belongs to his relations.

The widow has no share in his property neither do his children, if they are still very young. If however, the children are adults, the property is shared between them and their father's relations.

[tomapep]

Originally Posted by sapphire

The Nupe’s normally adopt some of the widowhood practices of the former mid-western states, however being situated in the middle belt geographical areas, some fundamental difference exist, for example a widow is not allowed to wash, plait the hair or leave her compound for forty days after her husbands death. One peculiar thing in this custom is that the men are required to do the same, although it is for an absurdly short period of four days

so one deduces that one man = 10 women?

[sapphire]

Kano State

The burial practice here is that, the man is buried almost immediately he dies. The widow is restricted to one place, however, if she is still within childbearing age, she is restricted to one room. She cannot go to the toilet unaccompanied; neither can she go to the farm to get food, even for her children.

Among the Etulo people, a widow is confined in mourning for three months during which it would be confirmed if she is pregnant or not. Her only attire is a piece of cloth called bento, which has a ritual object ascribed to it. This cloth is tied round the waist of the deceased man, and the widow now wears it as a symbol of her sexual relationship with the late husband. It is also believed that, this bento deters the widow from any act o "... flirtation or promiscuity before she is culturally freed from widowhood." 15. After the three months of mourning, she prepares for the outing ceremony. Her hair is shaved during this period and, she exchanges the bento for a white dress, which, she also stops wearing after outing ceremony. On the issue of inheritance, the Etulo are a matrilineal society. A barren widow has no rights to any of her late husband's property. Even where the widows have children, the property still goes to the maternal relationships who may out of good will and pity give part of it to his children.

Among the Idomas, the widow mourns for at least one year wearing sackcloth. She performs the cleansing/outing ceremony with the help of her age grade (peers) at he end of the mourning period. This done, she is free to remarry either within or outside of the family. In Idoma land, the late man's property belongs to his relations.

The widow has no share in his property neither do his children, if they are still very young. If however, the children are adults, the property is shared between them and their father's relations.

Muslim in general

Among the moslem population of the northern region of the country, the widowhood practices which are largely shaped by Islamic prescriptions are generally less severe than those experience by the women in the south. The Hause-Fulani moslem who loses her husband may only have to be in seclusion for about three days during which she performed ablutions, prays regularly and avoids social gatherings. She also has to observe the “Takabo” (widowhood mourning in Islam) of four consecutive months and ten days and the mandatory three months exclusion or restriction period. (iddat). After these obligations she is free to remarry if she so desires. The main reason for the restriction of the moslems widows in parts of Northern Nigeria is to determine whether she is pregnant or not. This is in line with the religious injunction that says so24. It is believed that the widows benefit more under sharia law than either customary law or even the common law, this is because the moslem widow has less punitive rites than other widows. They do not wear black, neither are they supposed to be dirty or shaved simple because their husbands died. It has however been suggested that even the treatment of widows among the Hausa-Fulani communities of Northern Nigeria does not conform fully with Islamic ideals this is largely due to the ignorance of such sharia provision and prevalent native customs that perpetuate male dominance

[sapphire]

Originally Posted by tomapep

so one deduces that one man = 10 women?

lol.....! ya know!

[sapphire]

This group is not left out of the widowhood practices prevalent in the country. However due to early westernization, industrialization and education of people in the south west, it appears that most of the barbaric and hazardous customs prevalent in other customs today have been somewhat ameliorated with time in urban cities in the South West. This is not to say that the Yoruba’s today do not have inhuman or degrading widowhood practices, infact most of its widowhood practices are quite similar to those of the Bini widows due to their common ancestral beliefs and origins. For example the traditional rites of staying indoors and wearing of blacks were common among the Yoruba27. However as most Yoruba towns are turning into commercial cities, so also are some of these traditional mourning practices for widows being modified.

However it must be noted that there are particular differences between Urban Yoruba Widows and Rural Yoruba Widows. For instance, the widowhood pratices in Isale Eko Lagos, are quite different from those from Badagry or Ikorodu. Furthermore, those is Ile-Ife are quite different from those Boripe or Irepodun.

For instance, a widow I interviewed in Irepodun, stated that she had to undergo very inhuman widowhood practices when she lost her husband. She states that she was immediately accused of her husband’s death, and named a witch by the villagers. She was then made to go through some traditional oaths and rites to ensure that she had no hand in his death, swearing before the native gods to her innocence, and later made to pay a fine for reasons that remain yt unclear. She stated in our interview:

“ That period was a most traumatic time for me. I thought they were going to kill me and my children. The worst part was that no one could anything, not even my own family members… my mother advised me to just follow the tradition imposed on me so as to prove my innocence and have peace in my life later. They made me were the black cloth and asked me to stay indoors most of the time. Yet no one really brought food for me and my children but at the same time I could not go the market to get food them…”

Yet another widow in Kisi, Oyo state, shared her widowhood experiences with me by stating that her husbands’ sisters were her nemesis in the widowhood practices perpetuated on her. This widow stated that her relationship with her sisters had been cordial until her husband’s death, after which she was forced to go through the most harrowing experience.

“It was no quite long after my husband died, that they descended on me, telling me that I must mourn my husband properly. I was made to wear the black cloth and carry out some rites. I had to take the oath… and then I had to cook for the relatives all the time and I had to provide money and fine for all types of ceremonies. I was asked to cry many times to show that I was mourning my husband and from the night he was buried, I had to stay at home for 2 weeks before I was allowed to venture outside my house. I could not believe that my sister-in-laws would do this to me.