Another Dear Abi PM

12-04-2006, 01:17 AM

As usual, this will be kept anonymous

Quote:

Originally Posted by XXXXX XXXX

Am a young woman who is nearing marriageable age. I feel that I should know my future husband for 2 years before i marry him. I have being single for 2 years, and I have known a few men that I could have entered relationships with. But somehow I don't want to allow anyone close to my heart. It's not as if I have even had bad expriences before. But I am still afraid of opening myself up and letting a guy get to me. I don't know what to do about it anymore. I cry myself to sleep sometimes and it can be depressing.

crAzy Don · 12-04-2006, 02:30 AM

there are a lot of things wrong here.
-You want to get married, and yet, you are not willing to open up to any man?
-It's wrong to set a timeline on how long you intend to court a man before you finally marry him.
There are people who date for that long and after marriage, discover they marry a totally different man from the one they once dated.

The solutions are pretty straightforward and practical.

You just have to be patient...you are quite on the right path by not opening your heart to just any man

Just keep on being patient till you find that one dude you can say you enough and you can honestly say to yourself that you can open up your heart to him and put your life on him. There are bound to be a few dudes like that so just be patient and keep living your life the way you live it and definitely one would surely come your way.

You don't want to rush and find some asshole, marry him and have one bad experience to your record.

T baby · 12-05-2006, 04:15 PM

First of all, there is no man/woman that is 100% perfect. When it comes to relationships, it's a big step of faith. You have to make sure you're ready and don't end up hooking up with some useless person just for the sake of marriage. I know someone who all she cared about was marrying and now at the age of 28 she's divorced with a child. This is not the case for everyone, but you have to know why you are going into the relationship and that would make it less stressful when that person starts to piss you off. I don't blame you for not wanting to be close to anyone in case that person is not "the one" and you end up getting hurt but if you don't cast your net into the sea, you wouldn't catch any fish. Have an open mind, and yours would surely come to you.

Also, no matter how long you date, you would always find out new things about the person (both good and bad) after marriage. You can never really know a person until you start living with them.

Ebony-T · 12-06-2006, 12:58 PM

How badly were you hurt before in your past relationship, bcoz it seems u were burnt..

Not all men are the same and you won't be able to find this out out unless you go out there, I mean you don;t have to give a guy your heart but in order to experience some good love you know its a reciprocal thing.

My advice seriously is to stop crying, dry your eyes and face the real world, if you sit in this shell your only damaging yourself further, you'll never grow if you don't learn from your mistakes.

**NARNIA** · 12-18-2006, 02:33 PM

I say stop cryn too. U enter relationship one foot at a time. U cant just jump in. Take ur time to get to know someone and eventually ur comfort will increase. U cant predict the future so it is possible that u can get hurt or not. Its no different with u! The most important thing is how u deal with the situation. Dont let any situation good or bad engulf u! If its bad, u are allowed to cry but u must pick urself up and get ova it. Time waits for no1. And pls remember if the guy is liking u, there is also a great chance the lady can break his heart too. Its a 2-way street!! Being scared of the future in not the way to live in the present!!

Good-luck to whomeva it is and I hope u find whats good 4 u!!

**NaijaCandy** · 12-30-2006, 08:21 PM

The best advice is to marry for money. In the end they all eff up anyway.. but at least with a rich dude you have something else to look forward to.

Next!

Optimist · 01-02-2007, 01:30 PM

Just do it! ...its trial and error . Being scared of failure / being hurt is something we all experience ...but you have to take a risk , just make sure the risks are calculated.

Yes you will get hurt ...but you just have to take the good with the bad

PS ...the person in the happiest marriage I know of ...only knew her hubby for 6 months b4 marriage . I.e met in June married by december . 5 years and 2 kids later they are still very happy . Stop creating stupid rules ...just live a little get loved get hurt ...its all part of it.

monblaze · 01-02-2007, 09:19 PM

its bcos uv heard 2 many sad stories
nd im sure u r d type dat reads mills nd boons
anyway u either open up ur heart or u dont marry anytime soon
period

cheer up
dont b discouraged

12-04-2006, 02:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
crAzy Don The Nigerian Nightmare Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Somewhere...Dont know where exactly....But somewhere.....could be anywhere....definitely not everywhere...But somewhere. Posts: 18,247 Points: 120,035.00 Bank: 0.02 Total Points: 120,035.02 Donate Rep Power: 21474887	there are a lot of things wrong here. -You want to get married, and yet, you are not willing to open up to any man? -It's wrong to set a timeline on how long you intend to court a man before you finally marry him. There are people who date for that long and after marriage, discover they marry a totally different man from the one they once dated. The solutions are pretty straightforward and practical. You just have to be patient...you are quite on the right path by not opening your heart to just any man Just keep on being patient till you find that one dude you can say you enough and you can honestly say to yourself that you can open up your heart to him and put your life on him. There are bound to be a few dudes like that so just be patient and keep living your life the way you live it and definitely one would surely come your way. You don't want to rush and find some asshole, marry him and have one bad experience to your record. __________________ NR .com Characters Welcome "They coming for me, wan' see me fall U know my story, I been through it all Nights I felt like dyin’, but I ain’t cryin’ What didn’t kill me, made me strong as iron..."~Jay-Z Killin y'all niggaz on that lyrical shit Last edited by crAzy Don; 12-04-2006 at 02:32 AM..

12-05-2006, 04:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
T baby Registered User Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: London Posts: 26 Points: 5,109.00 Bank: 21,798.28 Total Points: 26,907.28 Donate Rep Power: 0	First of all, there is no man/woman that is 100% perfect. When it comes to relationships, it's a big step of faith. You have to make sure you're ready and don't end up hooking up with some useless person just for the sake of marriage. I know someone who all she cared about was marrying and now at the age of 28 she's divorced with a child. This is not the case for everyone, but you have to know why you are going into the relationship and that would make it less stressful when that person starts to piss you off. I don't blame you for not wanting to be close to anyone in case that person is not "the one" and you end up getting hurt but if you don't cast your net into the sea, you wouldn't catch any fish. Have an open mind, and yours would surely come to you. Also, no matter how long you date, you would always find out new things about the person (both good and bad) after marriage. You can never really know a person until you start living with them. __________________

12-06-2006, 12:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ebony-T Onis Wifey Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Jus mutthafunkin hurrr!! Posts: 6,764 Points: 3,624.00 Bank: 112,543.18 Total Points: 116,167.18 Donate Rep Power: 196446	How badly were you hurt before in your past relationship, bcoz it seems u were burnt.. Not all men are the same and you won't be able to find this out out unless you go out there, I mean you don;t have to give a guy your heart but in order to experience some good love you know its a reciprocal thing. My advice seriously is to stop crying, dry your eyes and face the real world, if you sit in this shell your only damaging yourself further, you'll never grow if you don't learn from your mistakes. __________________ [color=blue][b]BITCH: When I stand up for my beliefs and myself they call me a Bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a Bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things

12-18-2006, 02:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
NARNIA Wife to the Senator King of All Nite Ryders Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: ..stuck btw a rock and a hard place.. Posts: 8,500 Points: 13,127.25 Bank: 2,351,622.67 Total Points: 2,364,749.92 Donate Rep Power: 1975079	I say stop cryn too. U enter relationship one foot at a time. U cant just jump in. Take ur time to get to know someone and eventually ur comfort will increase. U cant predict the future so it is possible that u can get hurt or not. Its no different with u! The most important thing is how u deal with the situation. Dont let any situation good or bad engulf u! If its bad, u are allowed to cry but u must pick urself up and get ova it. Time waits for no1. And pls remember if the guy is liking u, there is also a great chance the lady can break his heart too. Its a 2-way street!! Being scared of the future in not the way to live in the present!! Good-luck to whomeva it is and I hope u find whats good 4 u!! __________________

12-30-2006, 08:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
NaijaCandy Playette Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: PRIVILEGED Posts: 3,750 Points: 1,029.25 Bank: 4,064.33 Total Points: 5,093.58 Donate Rep Power: 214786	The best advice is to marry for money. In the end they all eff up anyway.. but at least with a rich dude you have something else to look forward to. Next! __________________ Utmost Respected Yes, I too am saving myself for Ariya.. so go waste your hot breath on some altoids..

01-02-2007, 01:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Optimist Mo ti yato ju Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 8,697 Points: 5,329.00 Bank: 7,014,481.34 Total Points: 7,019,810.34 Donate Rep Power: 3773620	Just do it! ...its trial and error . Being scared of failure / being hurt is something we all experience ...but you have to take a risk , just make sure the risks are calculated. Yes you will get hurt ...but you just have to take the good with the bad PS ...the person in the happiest marriage I know of ...only knew her hubby for 6 months b4 marriage . I.e met in June married by december . 5 years and 2 kids later they are still very happy . Stop creating stupid rules ...just live a little get loved get hurt ...its all part of it. __________________ Enjoy Life Today ! "Full of Grace Poise and Global Warming Stuff "

01-02-2007, 09:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
monblaze Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Lagos! Posts: 4,326 Points: 25,079.25 Bank: 762,134.91 Total Points: 787,214.16 Donate Rep Power: 21368018	its bcos uv heard 2 many sad stories nd im sure u r d type dat reads mills nd boons anyway u either open up ur heart or u dont marry anytime soon period cheer up dont b discouraged __________________ @monblaze StillBaby of NR #OccupyNigeria, its your country, take it into your own hands... Lol, i crack me up!!! http://www.naijaryders.com/forums/24...-proposed.html

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